The realities of downsizing in your 40’s and how having less opened up to more
A little backstory …
Picture a beautiful detached Victorian home, with high ceilings, white wash wooden floors, sash windows and open fireplaces.
This was our home
A home nestled on a street, wandering distance from a village high street, friends, family, schools and all amenities. The garden housed a light bright studio with a full roster of loyal clients.
I was living T H E dream
Beautiful home, 3 inspirational children, 2 dogs, a devoted husband and a successful business
I had it all
So why did it feel like a noose around my neck?
This blog tells the story (2 years on) of what happens when you get really honest with yourself and lean into the bigger question …
What is it that I really want … if it is not this?
and the realities of following your heart and choosing again.
So whilst the end result was living with less (not complete minimalism!) it's really about letting go, rebalancing and creating space for you to grow in
Space was something I/we didn't have
Every physical draw, cupboard, nook + cranny was full to bursting
Our diaries were full, and yet we were emotionally starved
The only thing that wasn't full was our bank account
That painted a very different story.
Truth was the life we had built was the very thing that was starving our life
And so, we chose no to wait until the children have left, or till retirement!
We chose to challenge the ‘ideals’
We chose to redefine what success meant to us
We chose to break the ‘expectation’ chain
+ live our life, our way
Swapping a ‘family home’ in a suburb village, for a ground floor flat in a quiet marina
On paper a questionable choice for a family of 5 (1 at home, 1 at uni, I flown) with 2 dogs
It hasn't all been plain sailing
… it takes discipline, compromise, consideration, patience, respect, flexibility, and above all clear communication
Discipline in relation to tidiness, the main living area is open plan, which means it feels untidy/ unclean really quick. Plus storage is minimal so a regular declutter is needed. Pete is the master at this, Lu and I … we have work to do!!!!
Consideration of each other’s space, needs and need of space.
I work from home and my hours can be ‘antisocial’ When we first moved in I taught a 7am zoom yoga class from the living area. I loved it. My family not so much, it woke Lucie (who works late shifts) and it invaded Petes quiet morning ritual time.
Which brings me onto clear communication and boundaries - accepting things through gritted teeth is not going to cut it. What's working? What is not? + how can we support each other, in making it work better?
If you are going to live in a smaller place you need to consider + respect each other's needs and have the willingness to adapt and compromise.
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We were anxious about when the other 2 came home …
We would never, ever, want them to think there was no room. Anxiety that was unnecessary. Sam is happy sleeping on the floor, or his car (rather than the sofa) Ella prefers to sleep in our caravan (privacy + space win-win) and also to note our children have wings, they travel, work, live, abroad and rather sleep under the stars, than our roof (unique, wordly + wise)
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2 dogs and no garden? Not gonna lie. There are times I would love to just open the door and hoof them out, or simply have the door open without the dogs wandering off! On the plus side, they get me up and out.
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Christmas??? I bring this up because this was THE most asked question. I LOVED Christmas when they were little and went overboard making it super magical. Our first ‘flat’ Christmas was different + FUN. We walked to the local pub on Christmas eve, Ella bunked in with Lucie + Sam took over the living room, then headed to my sister for family celebrations. Ski chalet a likely alternative!
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Extended family or friends staying? There isn’t room. We do however, rather conveniently, have a hotel within walking distance. IF you love entertaining + having guests stay, that needs to be a consideration.
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And I'll add that you need courage. The move was not the only change. You leave your friends, your life, the safety of the known. I recall watching Lucie, at 16, walking into a new school, in a new area, my tummy was in knots. She walked, despite fear, with her head held high.
Every ounce of compromise falls into insignificance compared to what we gained
The biggest one time freedom
Running a home, especially an old one, and garden comes with maintenance, which ate into the very little spare time we had.
When you replace the never ending list of things you have to do
you create space and freedom to do the things you want to do!
With that time has expanded
as has, the quality of our time
We swapped out the things that depleted our energy
for a lifestyle that constantly replenishes our energy
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We love our light bright pad but the true beauty is not within, it is beyond!
We are all spending more time outside which has had a massive impact on our mental wellbeing, sleep, energy levels + zest for life
Less time mindlessly staring at the tv and more quality time together and in nature
A ripple effect that keeps on giving …
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Our marriage is blooming (25 years on)
The relationships we have with our family and friends are also improving. No longer are we giving ourselves or loved ones what's left of us, but the best of us
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The more authentically we are living, the more we are attracting some EPIC humans into our lives too. Our little community is mind blowingly cool.
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What has been the most surprising and wonderful is that both Pete and myself are passionate and lit up by our work. Infinitely more creative, more driven, more empowered and more confident and that doesn't stop at us; our children are courageous, confident, adventurous, successful and out of the box thinkers
Testimonials that taking the pressure off, getting out of the rat race, slowing down, re-connecting and having space to be, held the key to greater balance, power and unlocking our innate wisdom.
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Where we once sacrificed experiences to pay for the life we created
We now live for experiences
… simple abundant pleasures
Like taking the rib for a pub lunch
Or sipping wine on a blanket watching the sun go down
And maybe one day we will lock up + leave our little pad and expand our horizons
because we can.
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I will leave you with this …
It is not about where we were
Or where we ended up
It is about letting go of what was draining us
And creating space for what ignites us
That is my invitation for YOU.
With love,
XO Claire